Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
