Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I wear drunk well.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
