she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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