thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Four minutes until I can fart!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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