He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
