someone threw a dead crab at me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
