I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
