sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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