How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
