I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
