Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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