No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize