fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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