Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
