my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
