operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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