I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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