its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
