I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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