You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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