I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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