Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
