i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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