I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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