if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize