hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's always time for handjobs
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
