i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you had me at cake vodka
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
