i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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