I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
