I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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