Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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