3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
