next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
