dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
