i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
