the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
