i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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