How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
