dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
