Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
