can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize