I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
