You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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