I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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