i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
