My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Randomize