I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
