You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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