oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
