i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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