so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
