This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
