i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Someone came in the potted fern
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
