WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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