Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
