Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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