I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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