That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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