i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
