Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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