Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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