I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
