she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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