Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
