in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
