What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
