6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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