i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
