Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
