well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just invented taco cereal.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
As shirtless as possible
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize