I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
