Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I didn't notice because vodka
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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