Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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