Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
