Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
