I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
