I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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